Thursday

I feel like I let go of all the hands that used to hold me.

Empty, sad, weirdly enough I feel numb at the same time, but I’m guessing that’s the meds.

I don’t want to be alone, even though that’s the reason I left home.

I have so many things I want to do, and learn, and experience, and at the same time

I can’t even find a good reason to move, or stand up, or to sit down. 

I literarily have no idea where to put myself nor what to do with myself.

I know that for something to flourish this chapter needs to end,

but it’s not easy getting used to walking around the world without, someone holding my hand.

But knowing it will be fine. That I will be fine, stopped helping to be honest.

I know what awaits is great and beautiful, but I’m dealing with right now.

How do I deal with right now?

There is nothing to deal with to begin with.

I’m already doing everything that needs to be done. I care for myself, I work out and I shower,

I eat and I sleep well, I go on walks, and I call my loved ones every day.

I study for exams, and I make my summer plans.

I paint and I go swimming when I can, to what cause, Iii.. don’t really understand.

I do it cause there is nothing else for me to do.

I knew it was going to be hard, so I just stopped trying not to fall apart.

So, I let it in, we take a breath, and I let my shadow take its steps.

There is no known terminology to explain, but it’s like living both in happiness and pain.

• 16^th 2023